30th January 2010

I don't know how to start here, & words just couldn't describe how I truly feel at the moment.

But I am truly grateful for that one day , 30th January 2010.

Dear Lord, THANK YOU so much for the gift.

 

p/s: beautiful pin from http://electroseizures.deviantart.com/art/love-line-124128715

Another 4 to go

Finally, on Friday 22nd Jan 2010... I'm crossing out one of my new year's resolution

1. To secure a permanent job

2. To get a driving license

3. To go on a vacation with my bestfriend (only the two of us)

4. To buy a car

5. To find my Mr. Right


Another 4 to go, yeay! Truly grateful to God, for giving me strength and the will to conquer my fear.


There is only one thing that is bugging my mind right now. I made a small promise (more like risking it all) on the day I have my test. Something related to No. 5 above.


If I were to pass the test, then I will brave myself for No. 5. And yet now, I'm feeling dazed and confused.


Thought of going to someplace high. Because when you are up above, you will find that all of the complex things below looks clearer---

p/s: beautiful pic taken from http://nadavdov.deviantart.com/art/Over-The-Rainbow-78305432

If i had a single flower for everytime i thought of you i could walk forever in my garden...

ZihAf

We used to have fun together, truly having fun that it annoyed our parents

In the end, we were punished

'Sleep in the kitchen tonight!'

I was still small that time, to be in the kitchen with lights off

That was sure a scary thought

So he held me near, opened the refrigerator

So that we at least have a source of light, to lessen my fear

That was years, years ago

We grew up, & the distant between us was visible as time passing by

I remembered myself not approving his actions

& getting angry with him for ignoring us for quite some time

Alas, he's home again!

His love for all of us was obvious enough for me to see

He would do just anything in his might to help us

To lessen our burden or troubles

Would go to any extent just to make sure that we are safe & sound

But somehow in the end, all of that troubled me

As I could see that we are his top priority

I remembered when I was still in university

& he already in age when he should get married

But he never voice it out

That it makes me believe that he put on hold most of the things for himself

Just to take care all of us

Later when I entered working life

It stressed me out that I am still unable to have a stable income

As I want to share his responsibilty

& somehow letting him free slowly

At present, though I am yet to have a stable job

I am happy for him

That he finally said his one small wish

To start a family with his lady

I am truly relieved upon hearing the news

So, even though you'll be carrying another responsibility

I know that you will still concern & care for us

Worry not, this lil sis of yours will slowly grow up

& help to ease your burden bit by bit

I know that I am not an obedient or that much use of a sister to you

& the fact that I like to nag, weak, talkative, somehow overly-dependent, & all others of not-so-good traits

I am trying my hardest, pushing myself to no limit

For the sake of our family

Here, I want you to know of how much I love you

& that I care, & that your happiness is important to all of us too

So, I am praying for your eternal happiness with your future wife

(our future sister-in-law)

May you two are always under His blessing

Love You for YOU!
my first Big Bro

p/s: link for above pic: http://tyulenndi.deviantart.com/art/Brother-and-Sister-44394997 

New Year 1431H

A new year have come, and I made my own 5 goals to achieve this year (well, actually with my bestfriend... we spontaneously create our own wishlists, on the night of her birthday)

1. To secure a permanent job

Indeed, this would be of my top priority! I don't want to always be the one depending on others. I want to finally be someone that others could also depend on. Specifically, I'm referring to my family. I love them so much, that I want to always be able to help them. As when having a job, it would means that I could save money. And money could do wonders sometimes (in situation that demands for it only).

2. To get a driving license

To tell the truth, I'm quite phobia with driving. Not that I'm afraid of driving a car, I'm actually afraid of other drivers on the road. Thus, making me scared of driving. So, I've decided to let my thoughts to help me do miracles about it. Well, psychological assistance is needed here.

3. To go on a vacation with my bestfriend (only the two of us)

Now, after a series of unfortunate events that we've been through, we deserve a break. Away from the people and surrounding that would be reminding us of it. So, a place near nature would be something I have in mind. What do you think about it, haufazenh?

4. To buy a car

Well, as it would be one way for me to start realising my dream, thus that's why I'm eagerly going to work hard for it (despite the fact that I mentioned at No. 2 above)

5. To find my Mr. Right

I'm going to be 24 years old this year, and yet never have a boyfriend  for this long that I lived. Not that I'm sighing, far from regretting. Just that I think it is the time now, that I finally find someone to accompany me to journey this life. Though the fact that I have someone in my mind right now, I just don't know--

So, I'm going to work my best this time. This morning, read a short story. The words struck me somehow...

' if I were to breathe only in a short time, then I would be able to commit less sins

if I were to walk longer on this world, then I can do kindness as much as I can '

Lord, bless me with peace within my heart
Help me make each day a beautiful start
Help me understand how I can make a difference
& the raison d'etre for my existence

Bless me with the courage to voice what's right
In a world where reality bites
Within the range of possibilities that I can change
Bless me with the will to do so for the better

& for those that I can't change
Help me to gracefully accept & not be bitter
For I trust in You, that You have your reasons
So mysterious that I won't be able to comprehend

I believe You will show me why in another season
When the time is right, the explanation You will send
Bless me with the wisdom to then understand

As there is no highway to heaven on earth
Guide me in this world in each of my steps
Before I take my very last breath

p/s: the poem was taken years ago, from a newspaper that I read daily (I didn't get the name of the poet somehow, really apologize for that). This is a beautiful piece that caught me, & I still kept it until now

p/s/s: above pic was taken from here http://ineedchemicalx.deviantart.com/art/Life-is-wonderful-143064301