Facebook.. people??

Peace be upon you.. may all of us see what's right, what's wrong.. and be guided by al-Quran and Sunnah, ameen~~

So here's the thing. Yesterday, I was blocked by an individual, who seems to unable to accept the advice that I gave. Thing is, it's simply an advice, a nice statement, nothing provocative or of any sort. 

So here's what she said : Those who wears veil.. is deviant.. syiah.. and so forth.. but why those 'half naked' are not labelled as deviant? Pity those who said that others are deviant.. Cause even he himself doesn't really know 'what Islam is'.. Pity..

My opinion? Here's mine :

I don't like the kind of people who likes to labelled others. He might be right, but he still have no right to label people.. So yes, I agree with the statement above, up until 'Pity those who said that others are sesat'. Full stop.

Now, the thing that I don't agree is everything afterwards.. Rather than putting it as such, why not simply put du'a, may they be given guidance.. put 'ameen' at the end of it, so everyone reading it would be praying for them.. no need to question whether they understand Islam or not.. no need.. she disagree with those who labelled people in veil, yet she somewhat labelled those who said so as someone who doesn't even know what Islam truly is.

So I comment to her status. It was simply a nice comment, lillahitaala.

What I put was (okay, I don't really remember, cause she deleted my comment, and blocked me soon after that. But this is the closest that I can remember) :

Salam. Feels like I wanted to share my point of view :) Would be good if you ended the status above with du'a, hoping that they will be given hidayah. Cause we never know where we will stand. In the future, we might be at the same spot, if not a little bit better, but he also might be far better than where us at at that time. Wallahualam.

And because of that comment, she blocked me from her FB. Truth is, I was reluctant to comment as such at the first place. But then, thinking that what if I were asked in the afterlife about this? So that's why, Lillahitaala, I posted the comment above.

The verdict is yours. With that, wassalam..

It's too much for me to handle!

Peace upon you.. and may He granted us with health and sufficient wealth to do good in this temporary world..

So again, I'm mad, and pissed off!

Last year was a total disaster (ahaha, favourite quote from masterchef!). Well, not really a disaster, but the emotion went roller-coaster.

There were moments when all I want is to run away. Last year was the year with many getaways, at the very last minute, out of the blue. All I needed was peace, a place to calm my heart. At times, my acts were just too much. But my husband still gave in everytime. And took me to places where I want to be. Or simply gave me the greenlight for me to have my own ride. With that, I thank you so much for your understanding and patience.

People keep on asking, and we keep on smiling. At last, I came up with an excuse (pathetic isn't it?). At times, I do wish to reply to them boldly. Like, 'it's individual sustenance, something that you never know. The same when you never know when you're going to die'. Like dude, it's not like something you order at mamak stall! It will be, when the time is right. The least you can do, is to shut up. And the best, is to pray for us, that's all. If you're asking with good intention, that we can detect, no worries. And that alone, we will not take it to heart.

And we also meet those who are insensitive. And yeah, that hurts so much more. Our smiley mask almost run out, and all we could do is to get far away, again and again. No, no, we're not hoping for bad things for them. Rather, we pray only the best for them. They may be so unbelievably insensitive, but we're not the lowly life who would wish for such.

Signing off --

Responsibility.. ever heard of that???

Peace be upon you.. may He guides us all to the righteous path..

Now, here's my thought, the matter that has been bothering me from the very beginning..

So here's to you, who I love dearly, but this very thing is such a nuisance.. my wish for you, is for you to realize it.. you're grown up, and yes, mature enough.. but this one thing is just too much to be ignored..

Here's the way I put it in words:

We were thinking for them, fear for them, wondering for them.. but it seems like they don't even have the slightest idea.. let alone, blind to the big picture.. 
at times, we feel for them.. but it never seem to occur to them that if empathy is not something that they can do for us, then the least we expect is sympathy.. but they seem to never have a clue!.. 
sometimes, I do hope that I stop doing so, cause what good can it brings?.. tormenting this frail heart and soul of mine.. but then again, I do pick up good traits that I get to learn from those good people around me.. which is to not lowering ourselves to the likes of you.. 
so to those concerned (I'm afraid they still don't think they're the one concerned), the brain is not there to stay idle.. faith that you have, is not for you to just pick any favourable law or principle, and practice only that.. 
ever heard of the Spiderman's quote?.. with Great Power Comes Great Responsibility.. if you're narrow minded, then automatically you would say that you're just an ordinary person.. 
well then, ever heard that we're the 'khalifah'?.. the moment you start wailing once you left your mom's womb, you already have a responsibility.. what is it, you're asking?.. oh well my dear, your first responsibilty is as a child.. as you grow older, you get more responsibility.. 
as you get to another stage in life, then there's some more for you to carry.. got that?..of course, you get another great 'power', if you know what I mean (I'm being sarcastic here, don't you get it?).. oh my, I'm simply rambling.. 
in the end, I will always end up helping.. but really hope that one day, you would (praying hard for that) understand your very own responsibility.. and you come to realize what responsibility that you're lacking when you're so engrossed to have another responsibility, that you end up forgetting that one..

Change of Mind

Peace be upon you.. and may all of us forever in His grace..

So, as per the subject said.. I change my mind.
I needed a place to pen my thought, the turbulence in me, and this might be the place.

I've had my fair share of ups and downs.. been through heaven and hell I suppose.
At times, you just couldn't find the right person to confide in.
Tears already flowing till it somehow dried up, and up to the point that you feel ashamed to keep on crying with the same matter to Him..
He never mind any of it, and with many challenges that He gives, it's a sign that He misses us, wanting us to not to forget Him, to turn to Him, and talk to Him.

So here the story..

I had miscarriage in October 2012.. and my mind never get back to normal, the least stable.
Because :

1. my period never have a cycle.. it just come and go whenever it wants
2. I'm the first in-law for husband's side, so it's naturally for parents-in-law to expect their grandchildren from us

Up to the point, that I hinted to the mother-in-law, that we want to wait until my husband finish his studies (he's doing part-time studies, weekend class). But that's not the truth. Truth is, I'm tired trying, don't want to make them to keep on hoping..

My inner self starts to get broken.. little by little..

And with news that my sis-in-law getting pregnant. How easy it was to them..

No, no, don't get me wrong. I'm simply let loose of what I keep on wearing all day, all time. This is me, this is what I I thought..

I know how to be grateful, I do know. But this is just me, a naked me. Mind with no rationalization.. yet.

A New Life

Peace be upon you...

It's been 3 years since the last post. Been neglecting this page for so long.

So many updates to do. But let just do it one by one, shall we?

Regarding targets for 2010 : (wow, it was years ago!)

1. To secure a permanent job

2. To get a driving license

3. To go on a vacation with my bestfriend (only the two of us)

4. To buy a car

5. To find my Mr. Right

So I'm crossing out number 4 as well :) I bought a car in the early following year (2011). It's not really a new car, it's actually my mom's car, but she bought another new, bigger car, so I take the older car that she has. I don't really mind actually, as for me, car is only for transportation.

As for number 3, well... she's totally a very busy lady. Plus, her family always have activities together, so it's kinda hard to plan any vacation for both of us. So that one, still pending up until now. Hopefully one day, we get to go on a holiday together.

Soo... updates for now. Right now, I'm happily married to the man that I fell in love with, the man in few stories that I shared before. We got engaged on 3rd Sept 2011, got married on 4th Feb 2012 after dating for 2 years.

I moved to his parents' house, all 4 of us live together in the comfort of a village. It's a fresh view (after living in city for 25 years, it's truly calm), with no traffic jam, no tolls. 

And right now, I'm a freelance translator and subtitler (trying to venture into transcription as well) so my working hour is flexible, as I can work at any time within the 24 hours that we have in a day (read again, ANY TIME WITHIN THE 24 HOURS). So yeah, it's somewhat normal for me to work hard up until 4 am, then go to sleep, awake again at 6 am to execute my responsibility as a humble servant and as a wife. Then having free time up until noon, then work starts to pile up. Truth is, I'm working for clients coming from just anywhere in the world. So sometimes, I do need to work according to their time (even when it means that I need to work from 10 pm to 7 am in my time (while theirs would be 9 am till 6 pm).

So I guess that's all for now. Will be using this blog to share knowledge, and few other things that's worth sharing I suppose :)

p/s : his and mine :*

2010 : Targets

It has been quite sometime that I forgot to update my yearly resolution. So, I'm crossing out another two aims for the year;

1. To secure a permanent job

2. To get a driving license

3. To go on a vacation with my bestfriend (only the two of us)

4. To buy a car

5. To find my Mr. Right

So another 2 to go!


Dear Lord, I know that I haven't shown enough thank you for all these gifts that you bestowed upon me. Please trust me dear Lord, that I am truly grateful for all the beautiful things that you have shown me. 

- THANK YOU SO MUCH, DEAR LORD -

My Love 03 Feb 2010

he confessed, & it took me more than 1 hour to express mine

but dear Lord, You know how much I love him for all this while

THANK YOU so much for the gift that You bestowed upon me

- THANK YOU LORD -

 

You held out your hand, 

and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing. 

For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope.

Jasper Hale, Eclipse, Chapter 13, p.301

30th January 2010

I don't know how to start here, & words just couldn't describe how I truly feel at the moment.

But I am truly grateful for that one day , 30th January 2010.

Dear Lord, THANK YOU so much for the gift.

 

p/s: beautiful pin from http://electroseizures.deviantart.com/art/love-line-124128715

Another 4 to go

Finally, on Friday 22nd Jan 2010... I'm crossing out one of my new year's resolution

1. To secure a permanent job

2. To get a driving license

3. To go on a vacation with my bestfriend (only the two of us)

4. To buy a car

5. To find my Mr. Right


Another 4 to go, yeay! Truly grateful to God, for giving me strength and the will to conquer my fear.


There is only one thing that is bugging my mind right now. I made a small promise (more like risking it all) on the day I have my test. Something related to No. 5 above.


If I were to pass the test, then I will brave myself for No. 5. And yet now, I'm feeling dazed and confused.


Thought of going to someplace high. Because when you are up above, you will find that all of the complex things below looks clearer---

p/s: beautiful pic taken from http://nadavdov.deviantart.com/art/Over-The-Rainbow-78305432

If i had a single flower for everytime i thought of you i could walk forever in my garden...

ZihAf

We used to have fun together, truly having fun that it annoyed our parents

In the end, we were punished

'Sleep in the kitchen tonight!'

I was still small that time, to be in the kitchen with lights off

That was sure a scary thought

So he held me near, opened the refrigerator

So that we at least have a source of light, to lessen my fear

That was years, years ago

We grew up, & the distant between us was visible as time passing by

I remembered myself not approving his actions

& getting angry with him for ignoring us for quite some time

Alas, he's home again!

His love for all of us was obvious enough for me to see

He would do just anything in his might to help us

To lessen our burden or troubles

Would go to any extent just to make sure that we are safe & sound

But somehow in the end, all of that troubled me

As I could see that we are his top priority

I remembered when I was still in university

& he already in age when he should get married

But he never voice it out

That it makes me believe that he put on hold most of the things for himself

Just to take care all of us

Later when I entered working life

It stressed me out that I am still unable to have a stable income

As I want to share his responsibilty

& somehow letting him free slowly

At present, though I am yet to have a stable job

I am happy for him

That he finally said his one small wish

To start a family with his lady

I am truly relieved upon hearing the news

So, even though you'll be carrying another responsibility

I know that you will still concern & care for us

Worry not, this lil sis of yours will slowly grow up

& help to ease your burden bit by bit

I know that I am not an obedient or that much use of a sister to you

& the fact that I like to nag, weak, talkative, somehow overly-dependent, & all others of not-so-good traits

I am trying my hardest, pushing myself to no limit

For the sake of our family

Here, I want you to know of how much I love you

& that I care, & that your happiness is important to all of us too

So, I am praying for your eternal happiness with your future wife

(our future sister-in-law)

May you two are always under His blessing

Love You for YOU!
my first Big Bro

p/s: link for above pic: http://tyulenndi.deviantart.com/art/Brother-and-Sister-44394997 

New Year 1431H

A new year have come, and I made my own 5 goals to achieve this year (well, actually with my bestfriend... we spontaneously create our own wishlists, on the night of her birthday)

1. To secure a permanent job

Indeed, this would be of my top priority! I don't want to always be the one depending on others. I want to finally be someone that others could also depend on. Specifically, I'm referring to my family. I love them so much, that I want to always be able to help them. As when having a job, it would means that I could save money. And money could do wonders sometimes (in situation that demands for it only).

2. To get a driving license

To tell the truth, I'm quite phobia with driving. Not that I'm afraid of driving a car, I'm actually afraid of other drivers on the road. Thus, making me scared of driving. So, I've decided to let my thoughts to help me do miracles about it. Well, psychological assistance is needed here.

3. To go on a vacation with my bestfriend (only the two of us)

Now, after a series of unfortunate events that we've been through, we deserve a break. Away from the people and surrounding that would be reminding us of it. So, a place near nature would be something I have in mind. What do you think about it, haufazenh?

4. To buy a car

Well, as it would be one way for me to start realising my dream, thus that's why I'm eagerly going to work hard for it (despite the fact that I mentioned at No. 2 above)

5. To find my Mr. Right

I'm going to be 24 years old this year, and yet never have a boyfriend  for this long that I lived. Not that I'm sighing, far from regretting. Just that I think it is the time now, that I finally find someone to accompany me to journey this life. Though the fact that I have someone in my mind right now, I just don't know--

So, I'm going to work my best this time. This morning, read a short story. The words struck me somehow...

' if I were to breathe only in a short time, then I would be able to commit less sins

if I were to walk longer on this world, then I can do kindness as much as I can '

Lord, bless me with peace within my heart
Help me make each day a beautiful start
Help me understand how I can make a difference
& the raison d'etre for my existence

Bless me with the courage to voice what's right
In a world where reality bites
Within the range of possibilities that I can change
Bless me with the will to do so for the better

& for those that I can't change
Help me to gracefully accept & not be bitter
For I trust in You, that You have your reasons
So mysterious that I won't be able to comprehend

I believe You will show me why in another season
When the time is right, the explanation You will send
Bless me with the wisdom to then understand

As there is no highway to heaven on earth
Guide me in this world in each of my steps
Before I take my very last breath

p/s: the poem was taken years ago, from a newspaper that I read daily (I didn't get the name of the poet somehow, really apologize for that). This is a beautiful piece that caught me, & I still kept it until now

p/s/s: above pic was taken from here http://ineedchemicalx.deviantart.com/art/Life-is-wonderful-143064301

ward-una

he was a quiet type

at times, liked to joke, but once in a blue moon

had a sweet smile, i like it so much when he smiled
he would do anything just to make those that he loves happy all the time
to an undescribable extent


but somehow, i'm just so stubborn to acknowledge it all
too proud to admit all that he is to me
and it's one of my greatest regret in my entire life
with now that he's gone...


will he knows that i did all that because i care?
that i'm too proud to show my love?


out of rage, out of my selfish judgement
i passed my own verdicts
hurting your fragile heart
when all you need at that time
was only love and care
from someone, you called a daughter

i know that all your sacrifices
was more than enough
to camouflage your weaknesses, your mistakes
but i choose to not to see it all


and there are many hope-to-do
suppose-to-do
not-suppose-to-do's
that i hope i have the opportunity
to rectify all that
but i know, it will not happen


last night, my heart hurt so much
that i felt like screaming
tears flowing without asking
by only having the thoughts of you


sincerely from my heart
i truly apologize for all my actions
that caused you pains and hurts
that you don't approve


and there is one thing i wish you know
when you're still here with us
is the fact
that i truly love you
i really do, please never doubt that
despite how all my doings were not in agreement with the statement


but please, whenever you doubt my words
for this one phrase
please, do not ever doubt it


I LOVE YOU, MY DEAREST FATHER


- may you rest in peace, with His blessings, always and forever

090909, you left us to be with Him

p/s: the earlier pic for mail-hah's post was taken from this link http://bikash.deviantart.com/art/mother-46888780

p/s/s: the above pic is taken from http://tazzer27.deviantart.com/art/In-my-Father-s-Arms-25659353

when my heart speaks 001-071109

dear diary,

i don't know what should i actually put in words here
because i don't truly understand my heart either
so how am i supposed to express whatever it is that i bottled in so deep?

i know and admit that i like him

he's always in my mind most of the time
i even know that we are not suit to be together
as he's already have someone in his heart
and that we are somewhat world's apart

more than a month we were not in contact
no messages, phone call would be something that i would never dare to hope, what else to imagine
misses him during that period
but i dare not to contact him, just kept on wondering alone
whether he's fine, is he okay? is he stress?
and the concerns just kept on and on and on with no answer

up until one point that i finally have the courage to actually contact him
smsed him, hoping that he would reply
seconds, minutes and hours ticking
finally he replied, and what a relief i finally felt!

he's still the same, the way he reply the sms is still the same
the mood between us is still the same
and i felt really happy upon reading it
at least to know that he still acknowledge me

smiling and grining i was
when thinking of words that i should type back to him
as the fact that i truly miss him all this while

and the same thing happened like before
anxioulsy waiting for his reply
though doing another work, my mind kept on thinking of what will he reply?

and he was full of surprise!
my phone ringed, with his name in the frame
a smile just drawn happily on my face
excited i was, and nervous to answer the call

and so, on 04th November 2009 at 9.36.31 pm
we were on the phone for 43 minutes and 57 seconds
until our line was cut off
as his handphone was out of battery
he messaged later, saying that he will call again
as he doesn't feel satisfy enough to tease me during the call

-- silent guilt: and how i wish that he will --

mail-hah

when i was in primary school, i remembered hearing her scolding
whenever she was back from work, she wore a tired expression on her face

yet, i didn't understand that much

sometimes, she would sighed, and kept on scolding whoever that deserves scolding
i also remembered getting really scared when there was one time that i sought her help for homework, she scolded me real bad

i cried so hard, that even my other siblings tried to help me to do my homework

later then i know i deserves the scolding, for not understanding her struggles

i stayed in hostel during my secondary years

i remembered calling house just to ask for books, foods & also money

and i vaguely remembered of how the communication getting warmer & friendlier

guess when you are older and getting a bit wiser, you would know how & understand how the interaction should be

that was when also that i realized, how truly important she is to me

& how truly, madly, deeply i love her

that it hurts so much to see her tears, and how far i could go to protect to her

come college years and university years, the bond getting better

i don't agree with her all of the time, & yes, we sometimes quarreled

but i would always try my best to mend the damage

as i never want to lose her, never...

and now in my adult age, working era

of how i struggled along the way, how tired, exhausted i feel

& feeling despair, i dare not to make her know of how terribly down i feel

as for me, now is the time that i slowly take whatever it is that she's carrying on her back all this while
raising almost a dozen kids, yet she wakes up early in the morning

preparing breakfast for all

whenever one of them asks for help, she would give all her best to help

doing most of house chores, each & everyday

she's tired, but she still does that nagging the kids to help, but most of the time they dissapoint her

but she would just do her routine again on the next day

long ago when i realized of how terribly i love her

all of my life's planning revolve around her, around the people that she love, that i love too
everyday, how i wish, how i pray

that i could help her with the house chores

to take care of the bills

but i am mad with my own body, as i don't have her strength and will to do things that she do everyday

as i would get easily tired eventhough how many & what types of supplement that i swallow

i am yet to secure a permanent job, thus not much bills that i could handle

but i am trying my bestto do whatever it is that i want to

just for you, MOM

my special list

- My Special List -

I have a list of folks I know all written in a book,
And every now and then I go and take a look.

That is when I realize these names they are a part,

not of the book they're written in but taken from the heart.

For each Name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime,

and in that meeting they have become the reason and the rhyme.
Although it sounds fantastic for me to make this claim,

I really am composed of each remembered name.

Although you're not aware of any special link,

just knowing you has shaped my life more than you could think.
So please don't think my greeting as just a mere routine,

your name was not forgotten in between.

(i'm merely human, i do forget your name. but your footsteps are still where it was before)

For when I send a greeting that is addressed to you,

it is because you're on the list of folks I'm indebted to.

So, whether I have known you for many days or few,

in some ways you have a part in shaping things I do.

I am but a total of many folks I've met,

you are a friend I would prefer never to forget.

Thank you for being my friend!

~ by Anonymous

- this poem is taken from this link http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art39461.asp

i use this poem as it is the best one as an introductory for this blog

referring to the poem, i will blog about those wonderful people that i met in my life

and of whatever it is that i feel i want to publish

thanks & enjoy!